Specter the Defector

For one of those crazy libertarian people like myself, the fact that Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter going to the other side of the aisle was such a news hard-on for the monstrosity known as mass media was pretty amusing.

In my horrific time working on congressional hearings, he was one of the few rational, bearable windbags on the Hill. And evolving as a human being would seem to always be a positive thing -- unless it's being reported on Fox News.

The fact that someone not constantly toeing the party line even exists is certainly a miracle in itself, but bipartisan bullshit will always prevail. How can you get anything done when you're surrounded by idiots?

Plus, it's hard to figure whether it's best to have one group of dipshits have their way, or two groups of dipshits in gridlock and not enabled to fuck up in the name of legislation.

At the bare minimum, for at least one day, Specter can say he was bigger than the swine flu pandemic.

Swine flu has media in hog heaven

There is a swine flu pandemic sweeping through the country -- only it's occurring much more in network newsrooms compared to the nation's living rooms. Informing people is one thing; bumping up the hysteria potential with that classic "beating a dead horse" angle is another.

Cases have been confirmed across about five states at this point, but the minor detail buried in the story is no reported deaths and a much more milder strain compared to our southern neighbor. It's good to get the word out, but superficial soundbites and taglines don't help anyone but the individuals adding it to their portfolio.

Yes, the genetic hybrid nature of this strain is worth paying attention to, and the lives lost in Mexico are frightening enough.

But despite the fact folks here exposed to "Babe fever" are simply going through flu-like symptoms -- who'da thunk? -- every corner will be staked out by your local senior swine flu correspondent until every last drop of Tamiflu is taken.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that this won't be the case for long, but I can already hear Anderson Cooper screaming sooey now.

Back in the saddle...and still bitching

It's funny how life can make inane entries on a computer be quickly forgotten. Though I'm one of the few that has not gotten on this thing they call the book of faces, or I believe it's FaceNovel, so I'm really out of the loop altogether.

The thing is, if you don't like networking, and you're pretty antisocial for the most part like myself, why the fuck would you join an online social network?

Thinking back to time spent overseas with no television (GASP!), computer (THE HORROR!) or car, it would be impossible for the average dipshit in this country to believe that I was happy as could be despite being in that ever unpredictable Third World (Can someone tell me where the Second World is?)

Of course, using the average dipshit is probably a low standard to begin with, but that's what cynics do.

A failed state with no fish

Somalia has found a potential home in the 24-7 news cycle.

How long will it last? Who knows with the idiot empire we live in known as the United States of ADD.

Considering that the most in-depth knowledge people have of the East African country is the movie "Blackhawk Down" -- note that I said movie and not military mission -- my hopes aren't very high.

The sad thing is that this is a country that has not had a functioning government in 18 years, yet one American being kidnapped from a cargo ship turns into a miniseries for every media member taking part in the collective beating of the dead horse known as breaking news.

Even sadder is the thought that a teenage girl being stoned to death after saying she was raped never amounted to more than a one-day story that didn't resonate beyond some mediocre print coverage and a passing mention on the crawl that runs below your anchor of choice.

Our country walked out when a soldier's body was dragged through the street by clan militia, and the international community has turned a blind eye altogether since then it seems. As a side note, I quite vividly recall contractors strung up on a bridge early in the current Iraq military operation and we're still there.

Back to my continent of choice.

Now Islamic militancy has found a home, and the problem could get worse -- though, living in the Wild West of Africa, where guns and money mean power, hasn't exactly been paradise for many Somali people.

However, the pirates who have sailed onto our TV screens should not be confused with terrorism so much. Of the hostages taken, only a few have lost their lives, and it is a profit-driven business in a country where desperation drives motivation.

[What is of concern is the fact that the militant Al-Shabab may find more recruits in a failed state with a flimsy government. Their aim doesn't appear to be stretched beyond the border of their own country, but that is of no comfort for the everyday Somali. Piracy did slow under a brief period of Islamist rule, but what are the tradeoffs for people who live there?]


Desperate people do desperate things. The commercial fishing industry and its accompanying overconsumption have much more to do with what unemployed fishermen are doing with a GPS and RPG in hand than a motivation to wage war on other nations' maritime industries.

President Obama is to be applauded for overseeing the Navy Seals' operation, but his focus will also have to be turned toward what's happening on the ground in Somalia, not out in the sea. If people do not have stability on land, then the shoreline will be no different.

The pirates may just have done the average Somali a favor by docking their ship at the world's front door. Or Johnny Depp will soon be appearing in CBS' Pirates in the Caribbean 17: Mogadishu Mix-Up, which isn't good for anybody.

An Easter inquiry answered

(AP Photo)

As Easter Sunday winds to a close, and my stomach churns with Cadbury creme eggs, I am left pondering a single question: What in the hell do baskets filled with chocolate and the arrival of an egg-bearing rabbit have to do with the day of Jesus' resurrection, as Christians see it?

These WASPy folks can be very tricky sometimes, hence my curiosity. However, not even a few sentences into this soul-searching post, I have stumbled upon the truth.

According to the fellow who came up with the whole AD/BC dating system back in the 8th century, Easter was named after the goddess of spring Eostre. She is actually associated with the egg and the hare -- symbols of procreation in the church's eyes -- so one of humankind's asinine holiday creations actually has reasoning behind it.

Now if someone can explain how the day of Christ's birth, indoor pine trees and a senior citizen in a flying sled are linked, then we're all good.

Nuclear threat not 'so 1950s' after all

(AP Photo)

To think all this time after the Cold War has been over that humankind would still be dealing with the chance of a nuclear conflict would probably seem ridiculous to people who lived through the time of "mutually self-assured destruction."

Good thing kids then were trained to get under a wooden desk. Chalk one up to the government on that one.

Sarcasm aside, there's plenty of conflict in the world without adding on the science of splitting an atom's nucleus as a nice atomic icing. And though some seem to think the new U.S. president is Jesus minus the sandals, nuclear disarmament is the miracle of all miracles that is very unlikely.

Really, Russia and the U.S. are the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac of the nuclear meltdown, but that was established a long time ago. Whether we have a whack job like Ahmadinejad and his tan Members Only jacket in our driver's seat, or the rodeo imbecile that just left the Oval Office, there's enough hypocrisy to go around.

A much scarier prospect is the number of nations with what some would call not-so stable governments who have been shoppers in the nuclear marketplace. Not to mention those partaking in the A.Q. Khan Weapons-Grade Waffle House.

For the U.S., resolving Kashmir would appear to be Obama's best route to erase any thought of an India-Pakistan nuclear war, but Pakistan is becoming messier and messier by the minute. Look no further than Mumbai for proof of that. India's neighbor will be featured in my upcoming "Pakistan is Fucked-istan" series.

For any country that has already entered the nuclear stage, those who have the goods will simply stockpile -- a better solution than a more proactive use, that's for sure.

However, to end on a sunshiny note, I'm sure mankind will find some other way to fuck one another over -- we always do -- but at least a few less fingers will be on some very dangerous triggers.

My musical mortality

I realized my own musical mortality today.

Apparently, the fact that iTunes will now charge the horrific rate of $1.29 for some songs is very newsworthy.

Just as print journalism sees its own grim reaper in Web news sites, blogs and Twitter, and the printed book faces the same fate in Kindle (though, don't underestimate an increasingly illiterate America as well), us musical dinosaurs wandering through record stores will soon be out-of-tune castaways.

Reptilian Records, CD Depot, Record & Tape Traders, The Sound Garden, Record & Tape Exchange -- the list of places in Maryland I've spent days digging through used vinyl, cassettes and CDs goes on and on, just like a jam band that's smoked one too many joints.

No matter how convenient iTunes is, you can't beat the exhilaration of scoring Jimi Hendrix's "Axis Bold as Love" and Miles Davis' "Kind of Blue" full-length albums for $6 each -- especially for a confused young caucasian like myself who was just beginning to explore the dark and rich roots of American music.

I know my non-digital blues is falling on tone-deaf ears (far too many musical puns for one line), but I'm sure there's still at least a few diehards like me left who like dropping the needle and hearing that scratchy sound of vinyl.

And now that I've made myself feel 20-plus years older than I am, it's time to read my Reader's Digest, drink my prune juice and scratch myself for 20 minutes to those young rabble rousers The Righteous Brothers.

Let the suffering begin

(Reuters photo)

With a whole week of absolute slackerdom behind me, and a heavy hangover in tow from the previous night, I've managed to claw my way back to the keyboard. Apparently timeliness in blogging is something this jackass doesn't get.

Anyhow, though there are a multitude of topics swirling in my cranium -- at least in between the rivers of vodka -- there is also a grand American tradition looming known as Opening Day. And from the part of town where I'm from, Baltimore, the thought of baseball season is just downright apocalyptic.

It's the pitching, stupid. That's all I can possibly say to any delusional O's fan who doesn't think we're due to endure another brutal stretch run after our bullpen's tires have fallen off from chronic abuse in the first half of the year.

When your No. 3 is some castaway from the Mexican League, and NBA reject Mark Hendrickson and Adam "Where the Fuck Did He Come From" Eaton round out your starting five, I'd say it's time to start selling more liquor at the stadium -- and harder liquor at that.

I also would like to suggest a raffle in dog days of August and September that allows one lucky spectator to play an inning in any infield or outfield position he or she chooses. So when we're calling up guys from Bluefield to fill the roster, and it's a swampy 99 degrees at Camden Yards, maybe a few people might give two shits about coming out to the park.

Either way, my masochistic self will be watching the O's, just as I have since I was driving my 1976 Chevy Malibu to Memorial to watch diamond legends such as Sam Horn, Randy "Moose" Milligan and the greatest fielding left fielder in my own delusional mind, Slak, aka Joe Orsulak.

Here's a little reason for hope concerning our pitching rotation: I hear Jose Mercedes has been spotted throwing Natty Bo cans with velocity and movement in an alley off of Guilford Avenue.

Another note of optimism, I believe we'll finish paying the contracts of Jay Gibbons, Albert Belle and Glenn Davis after this season.

Play ball!!