Kim Jong Ill in the Head

(Pic from Global Security.org)

As if wars in Iraq and Afghanistan; Iran President Ahmadinejad and his Members Only jacket; increasing violence in Pakistan; and that good old reliable clusterfuck known as the Middle East wasn't enough -- the world now has the latest and greatest shitstorm: a nuclear North Korea with an increasingly whacky leader.

How effective and how far reaching is up for debate. But if you live in Seoul, this can't be a very relaxing time. We still have troops on the DMZ (demilitarized zone), but apparently that's not enough attention for Kim Jong Ill in the Head.

North Korea's military is always put first, at the expense of regular citizens who have endured famine, and some labor camps. Obviously, the man already doesn't care much for his people.

Add on the fact that he's had a stroke and is not in the best of health, and that's someone who truly doesn't give a fuck. Plus, with glasses like that, wouldn't you be pissed off most of the day?

Overdue memo to Cheney: Shut the fuck up

On a day honoring true heroes, I hate to waste keystrokes on the politician mentioned in the above, perhaps strongly worded, title. However, it's not healthy to hold things in.

How does a man who holed up in Moordoor during his entire eight years as VP suddenly decide it's time for a media shit-talking tour with that lovable sneer and Skeletor-like charm?? (For those not schooled in the tales of He-Man, my apologies)

I do recall him talking up mushroom clouds and nuclear arsenal regarding the impending doom of Iraq, but other than that shovel of bullshit being delivered to the American people, I don't know of many other occasions.

Let's see, he served in an administration that failed to capture bin Laden; let Afghanistan and Pakistan be re-inhabited by the Taliban: rang up a trillion deficit (one issue of bipartisanship in American politics) while sending billions of military aid to an illegitimate ruler in Pakistan; and went from a weapons of mass destruction crusade in Iraq to a liberating force.

Consistency and clearness do not seem to be hallmarks of his most recent work.

I could go on, but on a day meant to honor those who serve this country, why bother ranting about so many of those in Washington who seem to only do a disservice to this country.

God bless those who serve America and make it possible for opinionated asses like the former VP and myself to bitch and moan.

Hottest resort in Cuba on everyone's mind

An enduring example of one of the many messes our former president got to hand over before slithering back to Crawford, Texas, is that trendy resort we keep hearing about called Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Though it ranks in the Top 10 of the most recent issue of Jihadist Getaways, it is a place that no Democrat or Republican seems to have an inkling what to do with, much less what the tab is for taxpayers in the long run.

The winner and loser of this past election said they think it should be closed, but with no real plans offered. Now, the cast of "Cocoon," aka the Senate, and the House of Yahoos, aka the House of Representatives, have bucked President Obama's push to shut Gitmo down. Look out, world, the Congress is looking for details!

What was interesting to me was how the idea of keeping the prisoners in the U.S. was quickly shot down -- the thought being that they could coordinate attacks from within a federal Supermax facility. Where were all the congressional hissy fits when that brush-clearing genius Mr. Bush transferred at least 60 of the inmates, albeit overseas?

Whether it's a pearl of wisdom from Sun Tzu or Michael Corleone, whatever happened to keep your friends close and your enemies closer? Or do we actually have more faith in a facility on a completely different continent than our own?

As far as coordinating attacks from within our prisons, a bigger question in my mind is: How are the gangsters that currently run criminal operations out of prison any different? It may not be a terrorist attack on the masses, but Americans are dying on U.S. city streets because of it.

Could it possibly be that lives are valued differently by certain people in power depending on skin color and what tax bracket you're in?

Bubba goes to Haiti

The naming of Bill Clinton as the U.N.'s special envoy for Haiti is a definite boost for the U.N. and its blue-helmet spectators, i.e. peacekeepers, that don't seem to have many fan clubs among the Haitian people. I mean, Bubba can work a crowd, as long as he doesn't have his saxophone.

Of course, he should have more impact since he has no responsibility related to the peacekeepers.

However, the U.S. hasn't had a crystal-clear policy on dealing with the impoverished country themselves, serving as personal escort to a certain Mr. Aristide in and out of the country at different times of political turmoil. Not exactly a "for the people" type of involvement.

Granted, there is aid that goes to Haiti, but a sustained effort at building a sustainable Haitian society always slips from the world's grasp.

Agriculture and education go hand in hand for making a decent future an option for people of any country, but they always come in last it seems. Imagine the money saved by the World Food Programme if sustainable agriculture was a priority and on everyone's radar. Agronomists, hydrologists, geologists and any other science people ending in "ist" I'm forgetting could be enlisted to look at potential or failed land in which ever host country.

Maybe the U.S. State Department should sponsor a country a year, where the majority of its aid resources are poured into a smaller country such as Haiti.

The rest of the world could pull the weight elsewhere -- unlikely to happen with the dysfunctional, diplomatic clusterfuck known as the United Nations -- and we could build one village at a time, since as we all know, it takes a village. (Mrs. Clinton, I'll expect my check in the next two weeks)

Those damn Catholics

President Obama's trip to Notre Dame has pro-lifers up in arms and is a vivid reminder of one issue that divides many Americans. Aside from the never-ending abortion argument, one of mankind's creations that seems to cause more problems than solutions is organized religion.

Faith is a personal, private matter that shouldn't keep different people with different beliefs from at least sharing their points of view without using blood-soaked baby strollers to make a point.

I wonder if there was the same uproar when two pro-death penalty presidents, Reagan and the elder Bush (the smart one), spoke at Notre Dame? Or does all that Catholic guilt have some so mixed up they can't separate their church-issued bingo cards from their history books?

And isn't this the same faith that protects child-molesting priests and simply shuffles them along to a new position?

Beliefs shouldn't become blinders made of fear and ignorance, but it seems like too often people just hear what they want to hear.

Now if you'll excuse me, there's a line of nuns with extra-thick rulers waiting at my front door.

My slackerdom and a sharia solution

As I've taken yet another 8-day getaway, I can't help but come to the conclusion that I am nowhere near as computer-centric as a fair share of people are in the world today, minus those elderly folks who are terrified that computers are going to steal their prescriptions.

I mean, there's enough craziness in the world today for a bullshitter to keep shoveling 'til the cows come home, but my stench gets to me after a while.

Speaking of (or writing of) craziness in the world, a local news story in my neck of the woods has me disgusted and inspired at the same time. Sad to say, it's nothing unique -- someone convicted of sexually abusing two little girls, ages 3 and 5, and possessing child porn. The disgust should be obvious.

But more importantly, why are these individuals seemingly back in the community immediately after their crime and simply registered as a sexual offender on a Web site so folks in the community can have the address of their local neighborhood perv? And why do we pay tax money to house nonviolent offenders in large numbers while these sick fucks are released?

Those questions aside, my inspiration comes in the form of a proper deterrent for this.

Plain and simple: castration. It may have a little spicy sharia flavor to it, but so be it. What more of a deterrent for a male could you possibly use? If you're not going to lock them up and make them Bubba's girlfriend for an extended honeymoon, at least make them walk funny so they stand out even more.

When I think of my next appendage-lopping-off Justice Department proposal, you'll be the first to know.

Mexico's drug war: Made in USA

As the bodies pile up from drug cartels gone wild in our neighbor Mexico, it is obvious these folks fighting to the death have a pretty hefty profit they're concerned about keeping.

But the demand that is feeding this bloody southern supply does not come from within a town like Ciudad de Juarez' borders. This problem is American-made. In fact, even the guns in the hands of many of the illegal entrepreneurs are stamped with Made in the USA. Something tells me Texas alone has a fair number of gun shops.

So why not decriminalize, grow our own bad habits -- or we can buy our dope from our northern, less bloodthirsty neighbor Canada?

Sure, there'll be a black market for any product being pushed, but the profit would be taken out of it for many dealers. And what government doesn't like a new item to tax? Not to mention tax dollars saved by getting some nonviolent drug offenders treatment instead of taxpayer-funded trips to prison through a revolving door.

Plus, agriculturally speaking, some struggling farmers could be given a new cash crop or two. And job creation would be a part of any such farming operation due to the necessary security guards and infrastructure to keep your local potheads from having too much of a green thumb and going on a midnight crop run.

Despite all of these cutting-edge, slightly off-kilter ideas, something tells me our country will keep on keepin' on with that good old status quo regarding our neighbor to the south:

Build a wall on the border and hope we can keep our favorite gardener and drywall guy.

Pakistan is Fucked-istan: Love thy neighbor

Yes, it's happening. Get ready to rock, Karachi!

Part one of my hard-hitting series on a country that requires 24-7 attention by an administration that, you could say, has its hands full.

One of many foreign policy crises at the moment, Pakistan and its problems were ignored for far too long, and it's coming back to bite us in the ass, technically speaking.

(Pakistan Visitor Center image provided by AP)

Before anything can happen, folks in that neighborhood have to learn how to get along or it's all for nothing. In fact, there's this country named Afghanistan -- you know, the one we invaded related to this thing called 9/11 and this guy named Osama bin Laden -- which comes to mind.

Whereas we have Mexican drug cartels doing some bloody cross-border business, Afghanistan has to deal with militants holidaying on the other side of the Pakistani border before going for a nice suicide bombing stroll.

The area known as Waziristan was mentioned in wire reports long before anyone wanted to open their eyes to the extremist breeding ground that could easily creep into Karachi, Lahore or Islamabad.

In fact, there's a not-so friendly group of bearded gentleman known as the Taliban now operating in Afghanistan and Pakistan. I can recall a speech by this not-so bright guy who lived on Pennsylvania Avenue (in between clearing brush in Crawford, Texas) proclaiming the Taliban have been eliminated in America's grand war on terror.

Considering our strategy for dealing with Pakistan's border problems is Predator drones, the words "intelligence on the ground" seem to be nonexistent. For every militant actually killed in the drone operations, there are three created from the civilian casualties that sometimes come as part of the strikes.

But does anyone really think the words "government" and "intelligence" can ever truly intersect?

More importantly, who'da thunk giving billions of military aid to a general who took power wouldn't work out? I mean, supporting coups, pre- or post-power grab, has always been a sound strategy for the U.S.

Don't worry, Musharraf and Bush will straighten it out... oh, wait a minute.