Senator Franken, Governor Schwarzenegger, Ambassador Roker?

(AP Photo)

As I'm prepping for tuck-in time, the thought of oncoming nightmares about a celebrity-run democracy is truly terrifying.

If those in the celeb spotlight who enjoy sharing their glorious opinions with us regular folks take the next step and seek office, then soon it will be Representative Billy Bob Thornton, Senator Ryan Seacrest and Ambassador Al Roker.

Of course, the ratings for C-SPAN would go through the roof. And most importantly, civic involvement would be re-ignited in this country, especially on the filibuster nights when Sinbad argues with Carrot Top about growing challenges in the Horn of Africa.

Sweet dreams...

Iraq's double dip of freedom fries

(AP Photo)

This week, U.S. troops leave Iraq's cities. On a more petroleum-based note -- it is the Middle East after all -- the country will also begin auctioning rights to its oil fields.

However, six-plus years later, and there is no guarantee of anywhere near a clean, outright exit for the American military. Who really knows if the militias of the country will begin a revenge campaign against one another.

And as far as that cursed black gold, oil pipelines and fields could simply end up as targets. The Iraqi forces will have enough on their hands as it is. Forces like the Awakening, who were paid by U.S. forces; Moqtada al-Sadr's militia, the Mahdi Army; and those posers called al Qaeda in Iraq will keep the reborn nation's military plenty occupied.

It could be that Sunnis and Shiites may just find a reason to fight. All over the world, the power of the gun too often is the final arbiter, and those two clashing groups are no different.

Not to be forgotten are the Kurds -- who are an island amongst themselves living on top of a resource-rich province. Oddly enough, it seems the ones in Iraq the U.S. pays attention to, but the ones Turkey fights in its own country are not on the American radar. Either way, the Kurdish militia known as the pesh merga and the many people dreaming of a Kurdistan will not fade from the international community anytime soon.

With this uncomfortable mesh of people and competing priorities, and no WMDs to be found, I'm only left with six words: What the fuck were we thinking?

$.6 trillion off -- what a bargain!

There was a healthy government rebate announced earlier in the day regarding health care legislation.

Those crafty accountants in Congress somehow figured a way to go from $1.6 trillion to a thrifty $1 trillion price tag for overhauling health care. Now, that's a regular Kmart Blue Light special!

Any savings help, but in the warped world of pork barrel spending, rider bills and filibuster shenanigans, the math is always skewed.

Even though health care should be of the utmost concern for the cast of Cocoon wandering the halls of American legislation, both sides of the aisle will manage to up the partisanship through it all.

There has to be a balance between the worlds of insurance or death, and those scary words "socialized medicine." But balance in D.C. is hard to find, and it often never lasts very long.

Regardless of what letter follows their name, the more our legislators do, the more nervous I get.

Reality TV interrupted by reality

(AP Photo)

One of many signs of a stupidity epidemic in this country is reality TV.

I hate to say this, especially during a traumatic time for some, but ADD will prevent most from getting to this sentence.

The trauma is relative to fans of Jon & Kate, who just got a reality bitch slap in the form of divorce. The truest plot twist of all!

So forget about a nuclear North Korea, Iran's election, wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the economy -- we need to rally around this situation.

On a familial note, I would hope the salaries earned on the show would provide for all of the kids. Guess I'll have to work the ever-so-vital entertainment news beat a little harder.

And the use of the word "vital" is no joke: I mean, this country would be a rudderless ship without Mary Hart. It always worries me when "Entertainment Tonight" is some people's six o'clock news.

In the end, when writers in film and TV give up and just churn out real-life garbage and remakes, the nation's collective brain gets a little mushier. Though I am happy Flava Flav is working.

p.s. For those few sorry bastards who read the previous post, if Jon & Kate isn't a natural transition from the Iran election, then John Tesh isn't an American treasure.

Iran declares nuclear war on social media; Twitter prepares for war

The day the ayatollah met Facebook, that's when the shit went down.

I'm absolutely positive that's how the history books will be written about Iran's current situation. The media coverage of the election protests was giving me a case of the giggles this Sunday morning -- when news powerhouses line up their guests and a panel of their own kind to discuss whatever the flavor of the week is.

(A pissy side note: How come people are getting whacked on a daily basis in Somalia, but watching news coverage you wouldn't think such a country existed? Yet Iranians with cellphones and computers is hot shit??)

Some are so consumed with discussing how the U.S. and Obama could be influencing events, as well as the diabolical war machine known as social media, that they don't ever discuss the ultimate authority, Ayatollah Khamenei (I think the guy got the job because of his last name) and the Guardian Council.

On top of that, what coverage has anyone even given to Mousavi's ideas and policies? We don't even know if the world would get more of the same even if the current bozo left the big top.

Yes, America is just fantastic, but could it be that we truly don't know shit when it comes to certain countries' affairs? Only time will tell if cable news can start prepping their Ayatollah Upheaval coverage -- with dramatic music accompaniment, of course.

P.S. Happy Father's Day to all you ayatollahs out there!!

McCain embraces filthy hippies, buys a hybrid

(AP Photo)

Yes, according to the AP, Senator McCain bought a Ford Fusion. He even Tweeted about it!

Slow down, Senator. Your 21st century rollercoaster is too much for this passenger to handle! Next thing you know, there'll be a "My Friends" blog blasting off into the blogosphere.

At least he bought from a manufacturer that didn't take any of the government bailout. And for once, the green a politician is going after isn't the almighty dollar.

Now, if we could only harness the hot air that emanates from within the halls of the Senate and House of Representatives, then a whole new era of energy efficiency would begin.

Everybody's a winner in Iran election

Mousavi vs. Ahmadinejad -- it just rolls off the tongue.

The incumbent and candidate are just two of the contenders in Iran's presidential election, but apparently both have won.

(Hey Tehran, where's the love for chief of Islamic Revolutionary Corps Mohsen Rezaei and former Parliament Speaker Mehdi Karroub? Or do you want to be more American-like and embrace bullshit-ridden bipartisan politics, consistently refusing to count higher than two?)

Finishing the ballot count is a mere oversight, so "the definite winner" and "Members Only" Mahmoud can get started right away.

The current fellow hasn't exactly lit up the scoreboard with regards to the economy, and no matter what corner of the world, that's always a hot-button issue -- even where people don't know what a hot button is.

Though I don't know the translation, as a part-time international election campaign chief, I'd say in Arabic: "It's the economy, stupid."

No matter. With Iran, the ayatollahs run the show, anyhow. All politicians eventually wear out their welcome, and the current jackass is no exception. Here's hoping the welcome is worn sooner rather than later.

Oh, you crazy Korean!

(AP Photo)

Everyone's favorite crazy Korean, Kim Jong-Il, is now using Pyongyang-style law and order to cry out for attention. (I wonder how many TNT/TBS repeats he watches a day??)

Combine the sentencing of two reporters to 12 years of hard labor with repeated missile/nuclear tests and threats to neighbors, and it seems as though Mr. Il's health problems have gone straight to his enchanting-looking head.

But really, having already starved some of his people and sent some to labor camps, all the while investing in military might, it's safe to say he had already punched his ticket to dictatorial cuckoo land in most of the world's eyes.

Unfortunately, no matter how much you may dislike the Dear Rodent, um, I mean Leader, we should engage for the sake of the aforementioned two reporters and their families.

The U.S. government has dealt with nutjobs throughout the history of the so-called international community, so why do we try to differentiate? We've supported some awful people (see Cold War); so is sitting at a table with one really anywhere near as awful?

Despite all these questions, the most important could be: When he and his oversized glasses are six feet under, is there any chance his successor son will lean on that Swiss education to be more of this Earth?

In this crazy-ass world, I'd lean toward the "I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" result.

Cairo crazy for Obama?

(AP photo)

President Obama's speech in Egypt has gotten good early returns, but the yays and nays don't really matter, except for media fodder. It's a matter of getting his wordy campaign slogan "Change" to translate into Arabic.

Truth be told, all these trips just look like glad-handing media junkets half the time. Sure, there may be serious concerns and issues discussed beyond the news world's eye, but every country's government -- ally or enemy -- has its own self-serving interests. Shockingly enough, corruption and cronyism can even creep into the mix.

In the end, Obama could hold town-hall meetings with Dr. Phil and the Muslim world for months on end, and it would still take an army of babes in burqas and caramel-flavored Korans to get people to get along.

China government all a Twitter

Those lovable part paranoid, part powermad communists in China have declared war on the dire and immediate threat that is social networking sites, more specifically Twitter.

Any forum for discussion, or in their eyes "dissent," doesn't stand a chance. And though I am fed up with hearing about Twitter just as my fellow comrades in Beijing are, banning doesn't resolve anything -- though less attention for Ashton Kutcher wouldn't hurt.

However, regardless of your party affiliation, communist or capitalist, socialist or libertarian, everyone should recognize that anything government-controlled is bound to be screwed up -- whether it's state-owned media in a authoritarian-type political system or a financial bailout in a democratic system infected with bipartisanship.

How long can China's government actually maintain a tight grip on today's fast-moving technology? They're bound to fall behind as the world goes forward; it's only a matter of time.

On a brighter note, glad to see GM selling its Hummer line to China. It's about time China bought some of our crap.

p.s. My apologies for my previous alcohol/rage-fueled post. Sometimes papa needs a drink.

Due to technical difficulties...

I'm too drunk to blog. Though I'm proud to say, I was driven home. I pity the fool!!!

p.s. Go fuck yourself.