Cuba's WMDs: Good baseball and even better cigars

(Pic courtesy of Associated Press)

With President Obama being overseas, I can't help but be in a foreign affairs state of mind. It's also a weakly veiled attempt at me transitioning to one of my favorite subjects.

The world being the mess that it is at times, I truly think this gentleman who inherited the best job at the worst possible time -- our president -- should start small with his foreign policy objectives. At least the ones that don't require immediate attention, which are few and far between.

As the fourth attache to the cultural aide of the former secretary of the now-defunct State Department Office of Cultural Things You Wouldn't Understand, I am putting forth Cuba as the perfect beginning for this exercise.

Our embargo has run its course and Fidel has run his. So why do we still have this outdated fossilized policy from the Cold War? Communism isn't the "ism" of concern currently; it's that other "ism" that starts with terror. The Bay of Pigs wasn't exactly a crowning moment in and of itself, so the old-school approach could probably use some retooling.

In the end, embargoes and sanctions just hurt the general populace; the exact folks we want on our side while we're meddling in their country's affairs for whatever reason.

Besides, when it comes down to it, the only weapons of mass destruction Cuba has are good baseball players and even better cigars.

Obama hopes G20 fills out his bingo card

This week, President Obama gets an all-expenses paid trip to overcast, wet, pasty-faced London for the G20 summit. Topic of discussion? You guessed it, the economy.

Will there be any true examples of leadership or innovation at this summit, or a lot of back-patting and empty soundbites? Let's hope for the former, but these are politicians, people, so don't get your hopes up.

Of course, don't forget the great panoramic shots of street protests, too. At least presidential mask makers (see above pic courtesy of AP) get an economic stimulus out of the deal.

All the countries our president really needs to be focused on are no part of the G20: Pakistan, North Korea, Iran, Iraq and Afghanistan. Each presents their own set of problems, and unfortunately Obama will just have to add it to his list of ongoing and upcoming headaches.

Look for the end of this week to be a particularly Tylenol PM-worthy moment for our leader when a certain nutjob with oversized glasses prepares to launch a "satellite" from North Korea.

Old news

With cuts at The Washington Post and The New York Times the latest to hit the press, the death of old-school journalism has become old news. Ideas to save it are few and far between, though Maryland Senator Ben Cardin did pitch a nonprofit business model, and should be applauded for at least the effort.

But if news operations don't make their best effort to create a sustainable Web format, then the copy will come to a grinding halt. Sure, there may be some stalwarts that live longer lives, but the people who do want to stay informed and consume the news have computers to read it on.

And though I like getting ink on my fingers, I feel like you could find a good number in the country who don't really read to begin with. And lord knows, at least in my immediate vicinity, knowledge of current affairs is not really on the radar of a lot of folks.

Talk radio and the idiot box, that thing that provides a warm glow to all of our living rooms, probably don't help intellectual curiosity as much as they should either.

Anything that airs the game show "Hole in the Wall" shows the legions of brain dead have grown in this country. Although, jockeys vs. sumo wrestlers and tow truck drivers vs. female karate experts sounds mighty tempting.

But really, let's face it. Between failing schools and the language of texting, the death of the English language is looming. In which case, two thoughts come to mind: WTF and what time's Lancelot Link come on?

Mother Nature's bitch slap

Does anyone know what's under their feet -- beneath the asphalt, city dwellers -- on a daily basis?

Maybe I've missed my scheduled dose of meds, but the wonders of earth science and the horrors of politicians talking about science -- whether it's volcano monitoring or global warming -- have me contemplating what lurks below.

The age of the Earth compared to our all-consuming species is just mind boggling to a certified dufus like me. From subduction zones to hydrothermal vents on the ocean floor, our planet is absolutely fucking amazing, to put it in academic terms.

(Editor's note: I had to bring the word "dufus" back. My life is fulfilled.)

Unfortunately, we are just another species in a habitat that does not offer infinite resources -- and it's the whole infinite thing that seems to be a problem for us. Perhaps that's why Mama Earth must bitch slap us every now and again with every cable news network's wet dream: the natural disaster.

A volcano such as Mount Redoubt (pic courtesy of AP) is a perfect example of how the Earth is always churning and transferring energy in one form or another right in our midst -- except Redoubt is a much more dramatic, violent demonstration of those internal workings.

On that note, we all must pray for the people of Alaska, who have to live with not only Sarah Palin but also volcanoes like Mount Redoubt.

When do nontoxic assets become toxic?

A question with no point? Most likely.

However, with a mighty English degree in hand, and a lifelong avoidance of numbers, I am confident in stating that whether it's the stimulus package, the bailout bonanza, or the toxic asset clearance sale, the tab due for the next generation will be a sight for sore eyes.

No matter what good intentions he has, Mr. Obama started in a deep hole (see ancient Asian proverb at end of post) and he has to work with the insulated world known as Capitol Hill, so it's easy to predict it will get worse before it gets better.

With Congress, regardless of whether a D or R comes after their last name, worse could have varying extremes. If you watch enough C-Span -- in which case, I would recommend changing your current medication -- the House of Representatives quickly becomes House of Yahoos.

One solution to offer in my bid to join the administration despite my disdain for the bipartisan system: With the catch phrase "toxic assets" being the news anchor flavor of the moment, I can only think that financial education needs to be aggressively pushed in public schools. If you're not educated, how do you know if you're dealing with a predatory lender? I recall some finance education in my high school economy class, but I also recall failing the class and not giving two shits about a stock index.

Ancient saying by wise Asian sage Yi Grabowski: When one is handed a shit sandwich, one will undoubtedly make a stink in cleaning it up.

Sports tourism stimulus package

Before I rest my bracket-filled eyes, one post to add to my burgeoning collection.

Maybe economically depressed cities such as Detroit should get to be permanent hosts of sporting events like the NCAA Men's Basketball Championship as a way to boost the city, even if it amounts to a seasonal economy. Every little bit helps when faced with the fact that the once stalwart of the Motor City -- the auto industry -- will be dealing with reinventing itself for some time to come or face economic extinction.

Another not-so hot travel spot to use sports tourism in an economic assistance manner: How about Mississippi hosting the Super Bowl for four years? Why the hell else would you be in Tupelo?

President Obama will be sure to get these proposals first thing in the morning.

An introduction of sorts

Well, to begin with, I have not a fucking clue as to what I am doing in this world known as the blogosphere.

Could it be to prove that there is merit in my blog title? Though I can be a cynical prick, it is not a full-time job for me. And though those adorable jackass penguins in my profile pic are posting 50 blogs a day in their home country of South Africa, I'm not on the Web to insult fellow bloggers.

Maybe I need a place to vent, moan and bitch, stand on my imaginary soapbox and fill the public square known as the Internet with even more blather from yet another know-it-all American whose opinion could be worth as much as the dollar?

Of course, at least with text, I'm not contributing to greenhouse gases and global warming with lots of hot air like so many talking heads and ranting radio hosts we know and love do on a daily basis.

All of this reasoning aside, rational or irrational, I can only promise for the sorry few that wander on to this blog that I hope to enlighten or enrage you with my wordsmith ways and loving embrace of profanity.

For my next, more sizable post, expect anything from March Madness to Madagascar's power shift to the current and delightful economic clusterfuck to be a topic of discussion.