Bubba shakes his tail feather for reporters' freedom

Man, that dude is smooth. Saxophone or no saxophone, Slick Willy is one bad mofo.

While his wife is hustling as secretary of state and the current president did his own intercontinental agenda outing before Operation Clintonites could fully launch, all Bill had to do was get on one simple flight to the most closed society in the world outside of Myanmar or Burma -- whichever one it's named this week -- and magic happened.

Kim Jong-Il wasn't prepared for Bubba to show up at his front step and go all Rico Suave on his ass. All the crazy Korean guy wanted was some attention, really. He's like the kid with the coolest new toy -- i.e. nuclear weapons -- and the other kids on the playground still blow him off.

But if anyone should take credit, shouldn't it be, Mr. Bill Bashful himself? I mean, he's been craving attention as well, so it just might have been a perfect fit. One man neglected by the mean old international community and one man neglected by his mean old wife.

Senator slips, asks Sotomayor for extra linens before she goes

As the marathon nomination hearing of Sonia Sotomayor continues, more and more people are coming down with C-SPAN fever. With the latest addition of Al Franken, the cast of Cocoon, aka the Senate is a regular Animal House.

However, one can't help but wonder, don't you question-filled crackers (yes, i went there, and i'm not even a wise latina) have more important matters to attend to?

I realize things have been just peachy keen for the past eight years and running, but maybe there's some legislation laying around that could be worked on. It's wonderful to fill the atmosphere with all that hot air coming out of your mouth, but then you're just playing into Al Gore's hands -- gasp, the horror!

For every second they go over their allowed time, the guilty senator should take a pay cut, or lose one of their Asian mistresses. These douchebags know how they're going to vote, but have to play party politics and put on what they think is a show since it's the only time they're exciting enough to be in The Situation Room.

Unless a Supreme Court nominee has a history like OJ Simpson, odds are pretty good that whomever the president is, they will get their judicial choice.

So, my dear Senators, shut the fuck up and check yes or no. It doesn't take a wise Latina to figure that one out.

Ghana ga-ga for Obama; Elephants still on the fence

As President Obama wraps up his whirlwind world tour with the traditional final stop on any American president's foreign relations glad-handing photo-op junket -- the continent of Africa -- let's see how long it takes for the collective media world to go back to ignoring that far-away place with all the dark folks.

If you drew a map of the world according to Western media coverage, the Middle East would be gargantuan and Africa would be the size of Rhode Island. Not that that sets the political agenda, but in our ADD/Idiot Empire, it's good to wake people up every so often to the real world -- and not the brain dead MTV reality show.

I just hope the first African-American president takes advantage of the opportunity he has to really reach out in a real, concrete way to the first continent of his hyphenated ethnicity.

Colonialism ended quite a while ago, but the relationship between the so-called international community and Africa still appears to be a resource-based, materialistic venture, no matter which country is being discussed on the massive, diverse continent.

The best approach for any impoverished nation lies right below the public servants we elect. It's the dirt, stupid.

Our best partnership potential with actual long-term significance would be aimed at sustainable agriculture. Farmer exchange programs, soil scientists, hydrologists and land conservationists all could play a pivotal role in helping each African nation find their best crop options.

If it was framed as saving donor money spent shipping food aid to countries ship overseas, maybe then the roots would be planted for that thing that was so popular some months ago: change. Sadly, dollar bills do seem to be the international language.

Call me crazy, but it's something about food and jobs that can really help the stability of a country.

Palin resigns; Moose and elk flood streets in celebration

She's resigning, you betcha.

However, the GOP can look forward to Sarah Palin, as well as the delightful Newt Gingrich, for their 2012 presidential choices. I can already see a nasty column headline in the making, "Newt and the Nitwit."

After visiting the state of Alaska, I think the folks there could get along pretty well without the guidance of a governor, even though the power of a soccer mom should never be underestimated. Particularly one that is such a diehard naturalist that she embraces Mother Earth and her natural wonders by shooting game from a helicopter. Much like the ancient peoples of her great state once did.

Either way, the lady is not going anywhere. If people are capable of voting for George W. Bush twice, she has just as good a chance as anybody.

In the meantime, the Republican Party can fill the bitch and moan role that the Democrats always fill so well.

Plus, they have Dick Cheney's upcoming book to look forward to, which will be written in baby's blood. And not to be forgotten by fans of literature is W's much-anticipated novella, "Cat Goes Meow, Dog Goes Woof."

Senator Franken, Governor Schwarzenegger, Ambassador Roker?

(AP Photo)

As I'm prepping for tuck-in time, the thought of oncoming nightmares about a celebrity-run democracy is truly terrifying.

If those in the celeb spotlight who enjoy sharing their glorious opinions with us regular folks take the next step and seek office, then soon it will be Representative Billy Bob Thornton, Senator Ryan Seacrest and Ambassador Al Roker.

Of course, the ratings for C-SPAN would go through the roof. And most importantly, civic involvement would be re-ignited in this country, especially on the filibuster nights when Sinbad argues with Carrot Top about growing challenges in the Horn of Africa.

Sweet dreams...

Iran declares nuclear war on social media; Twitter prepares for war

The day the ayatollah met Facebook, that's when the shit went down.

I'm absolutely positive that's how the history books will be written about Iran's current situation. The media coverage of the election protests was giving me a case of the giggles this Sunday morning -- when news powerhouses line up their guests and a panel of their own kind to discuss whatever the flavor of the week is.

(A pissy side note: How come people are getting whacked on a daily basis in Somalia, but watching news coverage you wouldn't think such a country existed? Yet Iranians with cellphones and computers is hot shit??)

Some are so consumed with discussing how the U.S. and Obama could be influencing events, as well as the diabolical war machine known as social media, that they don't ever discuss the ultimate authority, Ayatollah Khamenei (I think the guy got the job because of his last name) and the Guardian Council.

On top of that, what coverage has anyone even given to Mousavi's ideas and policies? We don't even know if the world would get more of the same even if the current bozo left the big top.

Yes, America is just fantastic, but could it be that we truly don't know shit when it comes to certain countries' affairs? Only time will tell if cable news can start prepping their Ayatollah Upheaval coverage -- with dramatic music accompaniment, of course.

P.S. Happy Father's Day to all you ayatollahs out there!!

Cairo crazy for Obama?

(AP photo)

President Obama's speech in Egypt has gotten good early returns, but the yays and nays don't really matter, except for media fodder. It's a matter of getting his wordy campaign slogan "Change" to translate into Arabic.

Truth be told, all these trips just look like glad-handing media junkets half the time. Sure, there may be serious concerns and issues discussed beyond the news world's eye, but every country's government -- ally or enemy -- has its own self-serving interests. Shockingly enough, corruption and cronyism can even creep into the mix.

In the end, Obama could hold town-hall meetings with Dr. Phil and the Muslim world for months on end, and it would still take an army of babes in burqas and caramel-flavored Korans to get people to get along.

Overdue memo to Cheney: Shut the fuck up

On a day honoring true heroes, I hate to waste keystrokes on the politician mentioned in the above, perhaps strongly worded, title. However, it's not healthy to hold things in.

How does a man who holed up in Moordoor during his entire eight years as VP suddenly decide it's time for a media shit-talking tour with that lovable sneer and Skeletor-like charm?? (For those not schooled in the tales of He-Man, my apologies)

I do recall him talking up mushroom clouds and nuclear arsenal regarding the impending doom of Iraq, but other than that shovel of bullshit being delivered to the American people, I don't know of many other occasions.

Let's see, he served in an administration that failed to capture bin Laden; let Afghanistan and Pakistan be re-inhabited by the Taliban: rang up a trillion deficit (one issue of bipartisanship in American politics) while sending billions of military aid to an illegitimate ruler in Pakistan; and went from a weapons of mass destruction crusade in Iraq to a liberating force.

Consistency and clearness do not seem to be hallmarks of his most recent work.

I could go on, but on a day meant to honor those who serve this country, why bother ranting about so many of those in Washington who seem to only do a disservice to this country.

God bless those who serve America and make it possible for opinionated asses like the former VP and myself to bitch and moan.

Specter the Defector

For one of those crazy libertarian people like myself, the fact that Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter going to the other side of the aisle was such a news hard-on for the monstrosity known as mass media was pretty amusing.

In my horrific time working on congressional hearings, he was one of the few rational, bearable windbags on the Hill. And evolving as a human being would seem to always be a positive thing -- unless it's being reported on Fox News.

The fact that someone not constantly toeing the party line even exists is certainly a miracle in itself, but bipartisan bullshit will always prevail. How can you get anything done when you're surrounded by idiots?

Plus, it's hard to figure whether it's best to have one group of dipshits have their way, or two groups of dipshits in gridlock and not enabled to fuck up in the name of legislation.

At the bare minimum, for at least one day, Specter can say he was bigger than the swine flu pandemic.