Telecommuting is all about the Benjamins

After enjoying an Internet outage, along with no phone service, in my newsroom of employment today, I couldn't help but think of one word: "telecommute." When your building is an urban dinosaur, and your IT infrastructure hearkens back to the days of rustproof Commodore 64s, it is time to rethink your business model.

To stay ahead of the curve, it's got to be all about having mobile staff members with mobile communicating capabilities -- possibly with a smaller, sleeker nerve center with a few key personnel. Between instant messaging on computers, to iPhones and BlackBerries, a newsroom should be a room constantly on the move.

Sure, some laptops for employees, along with fancified phones of choice would rack up some bills, but it would even out in the end with happier employers and lower overhead for workspace.

Working in a city with creaky, crumbling infrastructure, and still keeping up with the pulse of current, fresh reporting does not jive together. I am no Wolf Blitzer, but you don't need a Situation Room to realize this is not breaking news.

Media refuses to let MJ rest in peace

The passing of the gloved one has brought the idiocy of cable news networks to the fore.

OK, so he was a major entertainer -- at least when he was black -- and, yes, I rented "The Making of Thriller" multiple times as a teenager, but enough already. Do we really need overhead shots of a funeral procession?

And then to hear of a gold casket worth over $20,000 is just nauseating. Did anyone shop around? I mean, he's not doing the moonwalk in there, people.

One suggestion I would have would be to turn Neverland into either a homeless shelter or an orphanage. With the accusations of child molestation, I think turning it into an orphanage would be quite fitting. Plus, he can't touch the kids when he's six feet under.

Before Webster and Bubbles come to whoop my ass, I better do what I want the media world to do: Let MJ rest in peace.

Iran declares nuclear war on social media; Twitter prepares for war

The day the ayatollah met Facebook, that's when the shit went down.

I'm absolutely positive that's how the history books will be written about Iran's current situation. The media coverage of the election protests was giving me a case of the giggles this Sunday morning -- when news powerhouses line up their guests and a panel of their own kind to discuss whatever the flavor of the week is.

(A pissy side note: How come people are getting whacked on a daily basis in Somalia, but watching news coverage you wouldn't think such a country existed? Yet Iranians with cellphones and computers is hot shit??)

Some are so consumed with discussing how the U.S. and Obama could be influencing events, as well as the diabolical war machine known as social media, that they don't ever discuss the ultimate authority, Ayatollah Khamenei (I think the guy got the job because of his last name) and the Guardian Council.

On top of that, what coverage has anyone even given to Mousavi's ideas and policies? We don't even know if the world would get more of the same even if the current bozo left the big top.

Yes, America is just fantastic, but could it be that we truly don't know shit when it comes to certain countries' affairs? Only time will tell if cable news can start prepping their Ayatollah Upheaval coverage -- with dramatic music accompaniment, of course.

P.S. Happy Father's Day to all you ayatollahs out there!!

Swine flu has media in hog heaven

There is a swine flu pandemic sweeping through the country -- only it's occurring much more in network newsrooms compared to the nation's living rooms. Informing people is one thing; bumping up the hysteria potential with that classic "beating a dead horse" angle is another.

Cases have been confirmed across about five states at this point, but the minor detail buried in the story is no reported deaths and a much more milder strain compared to our southern neighbor. It's good to get the word out, but superficial soundbites and taglines don't help anyone but the individuals adding it to their portfolio.

Yes, the genetic hybrid nature of this strain is worth paying attention to, and the lives lost in Mexico are frightening enough.

But despite the fact folks here exposed to "Babe fever" are simply going through flu-like symptoms -- who'da thunk? -- every corner will be staked out by your local senior swine flu correspondent until every last drop of Tamiflu is taken.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that this won't be the case for long, but I can already hear Anderson Cooper screaming sooey now.