Next stop for hikers captured in Iran? Darfur hostel tour

As a person who enjoys hiking in the outdoors, I couldn't help but wonder what in the hell the American hikers now being held in Iran were thinking.

I've had my share of adventure, from skydiving to poisonous snakes to rafting down the mighty Zambezi, but strapping on the boots for a stroll through America's buddies in the Middle East just does not spark a fire in me.

I mean, sure I've always wanted to run a falafel stand in Fallujah, but that's purely a business venture. And though the mountainous terrain in northern Iraq probably has some pretty sights that no one would expect, there's something about a war still going on and a neighbor flexing their nuclear muscles that isn't very appealing for outdoor serenity.

Who knows? Maybe the Appalachian Trail really does run from Georgia to Baghdad like my illiterate uncle always told me.

Iran declares nuclear war on social media; Twitter prepares for war

The day the ayatollah met Facebook, that's when the shit went down.

I'm absolutely positive that's how the history books will be written about Iran's current situation. The media coverage of the election protests was giving me a case of the giggles this Sunday morning -- when news powerhouses line up their guests and a panel of their own kind to discuss whatever the flavor of the week is.

(A pissy side note: How come people are getting whacked on a daily basis in Somalia, but watching news coverage you wouldn't think such a country existed? Yet Iranians with cellphones and computers is hot shit??)

Some are so consumed with discussing how the U.S. and Obama could be influencing events, as well as the diabolical war machine known as social media, that they don't ever discuss the ultimate authority, Ayatollah Khamenei (I think the guy got the job because of his last name) and the Guardian Council.

On top of that, what coverage has anyone even given to Mousavi's ideas and policies? We don't even know if the world would get more of the same even if the current bozo left the big top.

Yes, America is just fantastic, but could it be that we truly don't know shit when it comes to certain countries' affairs? Only time will tell if cable news can start prepping their Ayatollah Upheaval coverage -- with dramatic music accompaniment, of course.

P.S. Happy Father's Day to all you ayatollahs out there!!

Everybody's a winner in Iran election

Mousavi vs. Ahmadinejad -- it just rolls off the tongue.

The incumbent and candidate are just two of the contenders in Iran's presidential election, but apparently both have won.

(Hey Tehran, where's the love for chief of Islamic Revolutionary Corps Mohsen Rezaei and former Parliament Speaker Mehdi Karroub? Or do you want to be more American-like and embrace bullshit-ridden bipartisan politics, consistently refusing to count higher than two?)

Finishing the ballot count is a mere oversight, so "the definite winner" and "Members Only" Mahmoud can get started right away.

The current fellow hasn't exactly lit up the scoreboard with regards to the economy, and no matter what corner of the world, that's always a hot-button issue -- even where people don't know what a hot button is.

Though I don't know the translation, as a part-time international election campaign chief, I'd say in Arabic: "It's the economy, stupid."

No matter. With Iran, the ayatollahs run the show, anyhow. All politicians eventually wear out their welcome, and the current jackass is no exception. Here's hoping the welcome is worn sooner rather than later.