Overdue memo to Cheney: Shut the fuck up

On a day honoring true heroes, I hate to waste keystrokes on the politician mentioned in the above, perhaps strongly worded, title. However, it's not healthy to hold things in.

How does a man who holed up in Moordoor during his entire eight years as VP suddenly decide it's time for a media shit-talking tour with that lovable sneer and Skeletor-like charm?? (For those not schooled in the tales of He-Man, my apologies)

I do recall him talking up mushroom clouds and nuclear arsenal regarding the impending doom of Iraq, but other than that shovel of bullshit being delivered to the American people, I don't know of many other occasions.

Let's see, he served in an administration that failed to capture bin Laden; let Afghanistan and Pakistan be re-inhabited by the Taliban: rang up a trillion deficit (one issue of bipartisanship in American politics) while sending billions of military aid to an illegitimate ruler in Pakistan; and went from a weapons of mass destruction crusade in Iraq to a liberating force.

Consistency and clearness do not seem to be hallmarks of his most recent work.

I could go on, but on a day meant to honor those who serve this country, why bother ranting about so many of those in Washington who seem to only do a disservice to this country.

God bless those who serve America and make it possible for opinionated asses like the former VP and myself to bitch and moan.

Pakistan is Fucked-istan: Love thy neighbor

Yes, it's happening. Get ready to rock, Karachi!

Part one of my hard-hitting series on a country that requires 24-7 attention by an administration that, you could say, has its hands full.

One of many foreign policy crises at the moment, Pakistan and its problems were ignored for far too long, and it's coming back to bite us in the ass, technically speaking.

(Pakistan Visitor Center image provided by AP)

Before anything can happen, folks in that neighborhood have to learn how to get along or it's all for nothing. In fact, there's this country named Afghanistan -- you know, the one we invaded related to this thing called 9/11 and this guy named Osama bin Laden -- which comes to mind.

Whereas we have Mexican drug cartels doing some bloody cross-border business, Afghanistan has to deal with militants holidaying on the other side of the Pakistani border before going for a nice suicide bombing stroll.

The area known as Waziristan was mentioned in wire reports long before anyone wanted to open their eyes to the extremist breeding ground that could easily creep into Karachi, Lahore or Islamabad.

In fact, there's a not-so friendly group of bearded gentleman known as the Taliban now operating in Afghanistan and Pakistan. I can recall a speech by this not-so bright guy who lived on Pennsylvania Avenue (in between clearing brush in Crawford, Texas) proclaiming the Taliban have been eliminated in America's grand war on terror.

Considering our strategy for dealing with Pakistan's border problems is Predator drones, the words "intelligence on the ground" seem to be nonexistent. For every militant actually killed in the drone operations, there are three created from the civilian casualties that sometimes come as part of the strikes.

But does anyone really think the words "government" and "intelligence" can ever truly intersect?

More importantly, who'da thunk giving billions of military aid to a general who took power wouldn't work out? I mean, supporting coups, pre- or post-power grab, has always been a sound strategy for the U.S.

Don't worry, Musharraf and Bush will straighten it out... oh, wait a minute.

Nuclear threat not 'so 1950s' after all

(AP Photo)

To think all this time after the Cold War has been over that humankind would still be dealing with the chance of a nuclear conflict would probably seem ridiculous to people who lived through the time of "mutually self-assured destruction."

Good thing kids then were trained to get under a wooden desk. Chalk one up to the government on that one.

Sarcasm aside, there's plenty of conflict in the world without adding on the science of splitting an atom's nucleus as a nice atomic icing. And though some seem to think the new U.S. president is Jesus minus the sandals, nuclear disarmament is the miracle of all miracles that is very unlikely.

Really, Russia and the U.S. are the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac of the nuclear meltdown, but that was established a long time ago. Whether we have a whack job like Ahmadinejad and his tan Members Only jacket in our driver's seat, or the rodeo imbecile that just left the Oval Office, there's enough hypocrisy to go around.

A much scarier prospect is the number of nations with what some would call not-so stable governments who have been shoppers in the nuclear marketplace. Not to mention those partaking in the A.Q. Khan Weapons-Grade Waffle House.

For the U.S., resolving Kashmir would appear to be Obama's best route to erase any thought of an India-Pakistan nuclear war, but Pakistan is becoming messier and messier by the minute. Look no further than Mumbai for proof of that. India's neighbor will be featured in my upcoming "Pakistan is Fucked-istan" series.

For any country that has already entered the nuclear stage, those who have the goods will simply stockpile -- a better solution than a more proactive use, that's for sure.

However, to end on a sunshiny note, I'm sure mankind will find some other way to fuck one another over -- we always do -- but at least a few less fingers will be on some very dangerous triggers.