My slackerdom and a sharia solution

As I've taken yet another 8-day getaway, I can't help but come to the conclusion that I am nowhere near as computer-centric as a fair share of people are in the world today, minus those elderly folks who are terrified that computers are going to steal their prescriptions.

I mean, there's enough craziness in the world today for a bullshitter to keep shoveling 'til the cows come home, but my stench gets to me after a while.

Speaking of (or writing of) craziness in the world, a local news story in my neck of the woods has me disgusted and inspired at the same time. Sad to say, it's nothing unique -- someone convicted of sexually abusing two little girls, ages 3 and 5, and possessing child porn. The disgust should be obvious.

But more importantly, why are these individuals seemingly back in the community immediately after their crime and simply registered as a sexual offender on a Web site so folks in the community can have the address of their local neighborhood perv? And why do we pay tax money to house nonviolent offenders in large numbers while these sick fucks are released?

Those questions aside, my inspiration comes in the form of a proper deterrent for this.

Plain and simple: castration. It may have a little spicy sharia flavor to it, but so be it. What more of a deterrent for a male could you possibly use? If you're not going to lock them up and make them Bubba's girlfriend for an extended honeymoon, at least make them walk funny so they stand out even more.

When I think of my next appendage-lopping-off Justice Department proposal, you'll be the first to know.

Mexico's drug war: Made in USA

As the bodies pile up from drug cartels gone wild in our neighbor Mexico, it is obvious these folks fighting to the death have a pretty hefty profit they're concerned about keeping.

But the demand that is feeding this bloody southern supply does not come from within a town like Ciudad de Juarez' borders. This problem is American-made. In fact, even the guns in the hands of many of the illegal entrepreneurs are stamped with Made in the USA. Something tells me Texas alone has a fair number of gun shops.

So why not decriminalize, grow our own bad habits -- or we can buy our dope from our northern, less bloodthirsty neighbor Canada?

Sure, there'll be a black market for any product being pushed, but the profit would be taken out of it for many dealers. And what government doesn't like a new item to tax? Not to mention tax dollars saved by getting some nonviolent drug offenders treatment instead of taxpayer-funded trips to prison through a revolving door.

Plus, agriculturally speaking, some struggling farmers could be given a new cash crop or two. And job creation would be a part of any such farming operation due to the necessary security guards and infrastructure to keep your local potheads from having too much of a green thumb and going on a midnight crop run.

Despite all of these cutting-edge, slightly off-kilter ideas, something tells me our country will keep on keepin' on with that good old status quo regarding our neighbor to the south:

Build a wall on the border and hope we can keep our favorite gardener and drywall guy.